Tag Archives: climate change

Who Does This Pope Think He Is?

Okay, I’m done. Over it. Finished. I’ve had it. I  gave this guy every chance, but this time he went too far.

I was fine when the previous two Popes were all bent out of shape about contraception and abortion and gay marriage. As long as the Catholic Church was obsessed with how other people behaved in their private lives, I had no problem with the Pontiff. I’m not gay and my wife is too old to have any more kids, so what do I care?

But this time it’s personal. Who the Hell does this Pope Francis guy think he is, anyway, telling me how to run my business?  SteinCorp is a multi-billion-dollar international manufacturing/energy/pharmaceutical conglomerate. If for one moment I let myself believe in human-caused climate change, I would have to seriously reconsider how we do business all over the world. Making changes on that scale would be inconceivably catastrophic to our bottom line.

And don’t lecture me about the poor. My business gives plenty to charity. And where would my employees in Bangladesh be without the $5 a day I pay them? And is it my fault that building collapsed? Like I can spend my time inspecting every one of our facilities around the world. Plus, they’re used to breathing air the color of dirt and handling poisons that would fell a bull elephant. Are any of them going to live one day longer if I shut down my factories and throw them out on the street?

What would you have me do–believe in what all those know-it-all scientists believe, or what is convenient and expedient for me to believe? Answer to the Pope or to my shareholders? Hmm, let me mull that one over.

Fortunately, the majority of the members of Congress, many of whom I have generously supported with massive campaign contributions (you’ll have to guess which ones. I don’t have to tell and neither do they), have my back on this one.  And I can tell you for a fact that most of them are not happy with this Pope one bit. So long as the Church was aligned with the Republican social agenda, we were all good. But now? How dare you meddle in politics?

So, Mr. High and Mighty Pope Francis, if you want to waste your life worrying about the planet, do it in private and stop bothering me. I have a company to run.

You’ll do yourself and the Church a lot more good if you get your nose out of my business and back into the bedroom, where it belongs.

 

Saturday’s Freshly Squeezed

This is the last of this week’s series in which Nate worries about the weather and climate change. It’s probably as political as I’m going to get with what is generally a family-oriented comic strip. I’m still surprised by the vehemence of the responses I get when people comment on the GoComics.com website. As an editorial cartoonist I was used to a readership that accepted that they’d read things in the newspaper they disagreed with; comics readers are a different breed; they love you or hate you. To read the entire series (and add your own comment) click here.

The Hottest Year

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The National Agency for Climate Change Denial (NACCD) issued a statement yesterday denouncing the recent report that 2012 was the hottest year on record.

“We categorically reject the assumption that the so-called “record heat” had anything to do with human activity,” the statement read. “This is yet further evidence of the massive global warming fraud being foisted on gullible Americans by evil scientists dedicated to proving their crackpot theories, even if they have to destroy our planet to do it.”

The statement was in response to the release on Tuesday by The National Climatic Data Center in Asheville, N.C., of its official tally showing that the average temperate in the United States during 2012 was 55.3 degrees, a full degree warmer than the previous high.

 “This has gone beyond being a mere hoax,” a spokesman for the climate denial agency angrily charged. “We now believe that this is a full-fledged international conspiracy.”

The privately-funded agency, staffed by a broad spectrum of global warming skeptics, was established during the second Bush administration by officials alarmed by the growing belief among voters that climate change might be real and that the government might be expected to do something about it.

“Look at the evidence. Climate scientists predict that the temperature is rising, and then they come up with data showing that it’s rising. They predict melting ice caps, and the ice caps melt. They warn that we’ll get more severe storms, and we get killer tornadoes in the South and Midwest and superstorms along the coasts. They say the oceans will rise, and right on schedule, the oceans rise.

“We at the NACCD aren’t scientist—we’re religious fundamentalists, industry mouthpieces and former congressmen entirely beholden to special interests—so we don’t know how they’re doing it. All we know is, these climatologists are extremely dangerous and they must be stopped.

“They’ve already caused massive damage. Dozens dead from tornadoes. Homes and businesses leveled. New Orleans and now New York flooded. Damage in the tens of billions of dollars. Who knows where they’ll strike next in their deranged campaign to persuade people that they’re right about global warming.”

“In the coming days, the agency will issue a number of far-ranging proposals to limit any further damage climate scientists can do. I won’t get into specifics now, but some of the main suggestions will be to stop funding science education in the schools, to make it a crime to collect climate data, and—most important—to refuse to provide disaster funds for any future storm damage caused by these deranged scientists. It’s just bad public policy to continue to reward their recklessness.

“Finally, we ask these self-proclaimed climate experts one question: how stupid do you think we are, anyway? You really try to scare us into believing your scam by claiming that 55 degrees is record heat? Americans aren’t fooled so easily.”

“That’s sweater weather.”

The Storm and the Election

All the TV commentators are wondering how Hurricane/Noreaster/Frankenstorm/ Superstorm Sandy will affect the election. They refer, of course, to voter turnout and to the perception of the how Obama and Romney respond to the crisis. What they SHOULD be wondering is why neither candidate has mentioned climate change during this election, and why nobody seems to be pointing out the obvious: that Sandy, following Irene, following Katrina, are exactly the kinds of increasingly severe storms that climatologists have predicted will be spawned as the planet grows warmer. Nature abhors a vacuum, so Sandy, unprecedented in size and menace, has arrived just in time for the election. This be a warning to the candidates that they need to discuss how they plan to deal with global warming. My guess is they’ll pass. I wonder how soon and how big the next one will be.

Wish List

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With job creation at the top of the economic wish list as the nation slowly recovers from the deep recession, and with the Afghanistan decision made, Obama last week convened a jobs summit. The truth is, and everyone knows it, there’s little more that can be done to create the millions of jobs needed to offset those lost the last two years, unless the government is willing to spend billions more on additional stimulus. This puts Obama in a precarious place; does he risk adding to the already huge deficit, risking runaway inflation down the road, or does he stand pat and hope the economy creates more jobs than anticipated? Perhaps intervention from another agency will save the day. It can’t hurt to ask. “Tis the season.