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Freshly Squeezed comic strip for January 10. Read the adventures of Liz, Sam, Irv, Sarah and Nate daily at GoComic.com/freshlysqueezed.

Freshly Squeezed comic strip for January 10. Read the adventures of Liz, Sam, Irv, Sarah and Nate daily at GoComic.com/freshlysqueezed.

Jan 9

Christie Apologizes

New Jersey Governor Chris Christie apologized today to the people of his state, saying he was “embarrassed and humiliated” by revelations that members of his administration had ordered lane closings on the George Washington Bridge for political revenge.

"People who know me as the vain, petty and vindictive politician and man that I am also know that I would never have allowed this to happen if I’d known my top aide would leave such an obvious paper trail. I’ve been careful my entire political life to make certain that the fact that I’m at heart a spiteful prick is completely hidden from the public.

"I apologize to the people of New Jersey, and especially to the residents of Fort Lee for the inept coverup by my staff. The people who elected me expect and deserve a governor whose closest advisors allow him to perform mean-spirited and malicious gotchas with impunity.

"I will be meeting with the mayor of Fort Lee, whose town was turned into an impassable parking lot by the lane closures, to personally apologize for not warning the worthless little shmuck in advance what would happen if he endorsed my opponent during my re-election campaign. That was an unfortunate oversight, and the staffer who failed to send that message has been fired. 

"After a thorough investigation, I want to assure the people of New Jersey and the rest of the country that everyone involved in this sordid affair, with the exception of myself, of course, has agreed to fall on his and/or her sword to protect my pursuit of the Republican nomination for president. I hope that I am now able to put this behind me, and that we have all learned a valuable lesson from this sordid affair, especially anyone stupid enough to oppose me in the future."

Jan 8

GOP Takes on Poverty

The Republican Party, stung by a widespread perception that it cares only about the wealthy, has decided to recast itself as a poverty fighter.

Party leaders are now marching in lockstep to redefine the party’s approach. Senators Marco Rubio and Mike Lee have spoken out recently, as has Representative Paul Ryan, framing the issue as a failure of the Obama administration to adequately address the problem.

Ryan says that the government safety net has “failed miserably,” and Rubio adds that the anti-poverty programs already in place fail to “deal with the structural problem.”

An internal memo recently obtained by this reporter details the GOP’s newly-minted approach.

"We must rethink our attitude toward existing poverty programs," the memo states, "especially food stamps, unemployment insurance and the minimum wage. Every one of these programs is too generous to a fault, sustaining the poor at a bare subsistence level while failing to do anything to reduce the ranks of the destitute. Taken together, they create a self-perpetuating cycle of poverty. 

"By eliminating these programs entirely, along with the school lunch program, we can quickly and humanely starve the neediest among us (who, by the way, tend to vote disproportionally Democratic), with the simultaneous benefit of reducing the deficit by tens of billions of dollars, which would allow us to cut taxes for the richest American even further.

"This approach will be especially effective when packaged with the repeal of Obamacare. Allowing the millions dying of starvation access to medical care, prolonging their miserable existence for no good reason, would be unspeakably cruel, not to mention counterproductive in the extreme.

"Taken together, we estimate that these policy initiatives will virtually eliminate the poor in this country within a year and a half, just in time for the 2016 election."

Those Zany Colorado Sheriffs

The New York Times ran a front page story today about the refusal of some sheriffs in Colorado to enforce the new (and embarrassingly limited) gun laws enacted in the response to the shootings at the theaters in Aurora, the massacre at Sandy Hook Elementary School, Columbine (Take your pick. There’s lots to choose from). Because, you know, we wouldn’t want to make it any harder for some disgruntled high school debater to shoot his classmates.

I’M SO LONELY
I feel sorry for the unattached with nobody to warm them during the long winter nights. Another cartoon for my new experiment in webcomics, CosmicLimit.com. Sign up to receive the cartoons in your inbox as they’re posted.

I’M SO LONELY

I feel sorry for the unattached with nobody to warm them during the long winter nights. Another cartoon for my new experiment in webcomics, CosmicLimit.com. Sign up to receive the cartoons in your inbox as they’re posted.

CLASS DUMMY
I just got a new iPhone. I miss my old dumb phone. It made phone calls and sent texts. What else do you need a phone to do? I’m posting this on my new website, CosmicLimit.com, a place devoted to my love of cartoons about technology, science, science fiction and fantasy. I hope you’ll go there and sign up. 

CLASS DUMMY

I just got a new iPhone. I miss my old dumb phone. It made phone calls and sent texts. What else do you need a phone to do? I’m posting this on my new website, CosmicLimit.com, a place devoted to my love of cartoons about technology, science, science fiction and fantasy. I hope you’ll go there and sign up. 

Oct 2
The latest cartoon posted on my Cosmic Limit website. Have them sent directly to your inbox by signing up at CosmicLimit.com.

The latest cartoon posted on my Cosmic Limit website. Have them sent directly to your inbox by signing up at CosmicLimit.com.

I’ve just posted a new cartoon to CosmicLimit.com. To have the new work emailed to you directly, go to the website and join up. It’s simple and it’s free!

I’ve just posted a new cartoon to CosmicLimit.com. To have the new work emailed to you directly, go to the website and join up. It’s simple and it’s free!

RIDE THE ROVER
I’ve posted another cartoon to my new project, Cosmic Limit. I’m indulging my long-supressed love of science fiction and fantasy with my own cartoon take on the genres. Sign up to receive the new drawings as I post them at cosmiclimit.com.

RIDE THE ROVER

I’ve posted another cartoon to my new project, Cosmic Limit. I’m indulging my long-supressed love of science fiction and fantasy with my own cartoon take on the genres. Sign up to receive the new drawings as I post them at cosmiclimit.com.

Wondering if I may use a cartoon in a prestentation to a school class on public library?

With my blessings.