Regnery Publishing announced today that it has signed Sarah Palin to write a definitive history of the United States. Regnery is the leading American conservative publisher. Terms of the deal were not disclosed, but a source close to Ms. Palin has confirmed that the deal includes an an advance in the high six figures.
The Regnery press release announcing the deal praised Ms. Palin’s shoot-from the-hip approach to the subject. “So many history texts are dull recitations of scrupulously researched data in complete and understandable English sentences. Sarah Palin’s careless disregard for the stuffy, uninteresting facts of history and her inability to frame a simple sentence will be a much-needed breath of fresh air.”
In addition to her recent revelation that Paul Revere made his famous midnight ride to warn the British that the British were coming, the book will correct a number of historical accuracies. Among the more stunning revelations in the book: Abraham Lincoln never lived at his Gettysburg address; FDR’s reckless New Deal spending caused the Great Depression; and Ronald Reagan single-handedly scored 24 points in the fourth quarter to beat the Russians in the Cold War. According to one source who has seen an early version of the manuscript, readers will not want to miss her stirring account of General Patton’s charge at Bunker Hill and Ho Chi Minh’s subsequent surrender at Appomattox, which ended the Korean Conflict.
In related news, the Texas Board of Education announced that it will replace its current history textbooks with Ms. Palin’s book as soon as it is available, making it highly likely that most other states will be forced to follow suit. “We already demand that history texts for Texas students support only an extreme conservative vision of America,and we expect Sarah Palin’s book to conform to our agenda nicely. Besides, today’s students don’t know horse puckey about their own history, and we expect this textbook to be a welcome addition to their almost total lack of education.”
Publishing date and price are unavailable at this time.